im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
