im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
