So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
