Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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