You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
