So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
