how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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