A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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