It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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