I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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