you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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