tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
