i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I licked your asshole in confidence.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
