So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ketchup is God's man juice
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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