I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
