Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
