youre lurking in front of me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
