Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
