I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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