Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
