If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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