He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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