She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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