There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
