She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
