I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
