I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
