his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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