The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
