My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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