We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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