did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
