he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
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