If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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