I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
