Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
