He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I could make wine with my vomit
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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