New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
