Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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