I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
