so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
