We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
