my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
