i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
