That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
