I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
