i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
