I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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