dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
