Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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