The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
