Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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