i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Randomize
